marianne's musings

tears and cheers...originally posted July 31 on facebook

2008-09-30T13:38:00.000-04:00

usually a title jumps out in my head and the words soon follow, but today i find myself struggling to write a brief update on all that's gone on in life for the last several months. a friend noted that i have not written on my blog since i sprained my ankle...i believe that was in february.this winter was fairly isolating and a wee bit dark, topped off by my brilliant ability to be clumsy. but out of the funk i came and into the light of spring and all things good. back to healthy habits and loving the outdoors, particulary walking in the rather large park so near my apartment, where coming across deer just off the path is frequent and peaceful.and then came summer. june, in particular, brought with it a hault to all that is rational or right. in one night my cousin's world was dumped upside down, her husband and two very young sons killed in a train/car accident. this was my closest cousin growing up, just one year apart. whenever our families were together on our annual trek down to miami she and i were always together. i have such great memories, and such love for my cousin, and such regret that the closeness we once shared we let slip away as adults. and the one moment she needed family the most, i felt like such a stranger and helpless to give her any comfort. funny thing, it's not about me and my desire to comfort my cousin...talk about self-absorbed. so rather than mourn the loss of my cousin along with her husband and two young sons, i am now choosing to affirm her life. as broken as it may be, it's still life. i think about and pray for my cousin daily and look forward to the day when we can once again share great memories and new stories.this summer i also said a final goodbye to my grandmother margaret, my last living grandparent. my dad asked if i would like to speak at her memorial, and i happily said yes. it was my desire to honor my grandmother and remember her with joy and a bit of laughter. so i spoke of the grandmother that was so opposite, so foreign to me as i was growing up. the one who became so special as i came to realize how much we shared.this summer hasn't all been filled with tears. the summer has also been filled with cheers...on seeing reese's first time in the lake, watching marshall play at a beach volleyball tournament, spending time with my parents, visiting and catching up with old friends, seeing some of my old students, getting to know the community i work and live in, meeting new friends, listening to the excitment in emma and sarah's voices when i invited them to go to king's island on monday (can't wait, haven't been since college)...i am thankful for life, thankful for family and friends. this is the day the lord has made, let us rejoice and be glad in it. a song my mom sang so often in my childhood, which brings a smile to my face for more than one reason (my mom's lack of singing skills always made it interesting). i hope you too can find reasons to rejoice!

tornadoes and peas

2008-02-07T14:50:00.000-05:00

last week was interesting to say the least. it started with sirens and ended with a thud and the middle was no laughing matter. we had to finish up a youth volunteer dinner/meeting in the women's restroom of the church due to the tornado sirens going off, high winds whipping, hail pelting, and general craziness of the weather so far this year. it was a bit close quarters with about 20 or so kids and adults in the restroom, but we managed to spend the time praying out loud the names of each youth.

a few more things didn't go as planned or as desired. though i did have such a laugh with some of the people in my bible study on wednesday night. it was that kind of laughter that just keeps you smiling and makes your stomach hurt. i haven't done that in quite some time.

then the thud...thursday night, as the snow storm (that never really was) was approaching, i gracefully fell in my apartment. i heard a snap and i was on the floor. then came a trip to the emergency room with my friend from work, julie. yes, i sprained my ankle...those are frozen peas and my lovely little splint. so much for my first training walk for the mini-marathon. hopefully, i will be healed in time to go on the next training walk at the end of this month. in the meantime...well...i guess i would just like to not hurt myself and have any more tornadoes to take cover from...since my apartment is on the second floor, so taking cover in my bathroom is really quite pointless. i hope the sounds in your life are a little less menacing.

new year

2008-01-10T11:01:00.000-05:00

where to begin...it's been a few months...ok, we are in a whole new year, and i have not written in quite a while. sometimes there's just too much to say or not enough motivation to say it or maybe just not enough words to express my thoughts.

fall came and i did enjoy the rustling of leaves, running and laughing hysterically through a haunted corn maize with the youth, the birth of my niece reese, spending time with my nieces emma and sarah...my family in general, thanksgiving with reese's baptism, and then christmas.

now winter...with it's freakishly warm days this week. part of me loves watching the snow fall on a dark, cold night...the flakes drifting down in silence. another part of me longs for sunshine and warm days. mostly, right now, i want to put on paper some of the many ideas i have for films, to read for days on end, to talk with friends..you know, the ones who really understand me, challenge me, pour into me, and allow me to do all of the same things for them...i want to put in to action so many of the crazy thoughts i have...i want to live

band days and laps

2007-09-26T13:09:00.000-04:00

marching band...wow, haven't been to a band contest since...well, probably my junior year of high school. one thing i have the privilege of doing with my position as youth minister is going to the young people's activities. last weekend i went to the avon band invitational. can i just say wow again! being there brought back so many memories. i truly enjoyed watching the young people from my church perform (and win their class) and walking down memory lane.

ok, so i am back in a pool. on monday i went to the iupui natatorium, bought a 40-visit pass, and started swimming. i'm loving it. not quite the same as the outdoor pool in leichhardt, but definitely cool to swim in a pool that so many amazing swimmers have swam and broken records in.

a gaze

2007-09-26T12:15:00.000-04:00

just five miles down the road...and there i was, face to face with two deer. ok, so not literally face to face, but close enough for one of the deer and me to look into each others eyes. deer are very common in this part of the united states, but there was just something about that moment that made me breath a little deeper and feel the presence of god. as i settle into my new community, i am exploring places i have never visited. one place i had always heard of, but had never been to was eagle creek park. once i discovered it was just down the road my apartment complex is on, i decided to go for a walk/jog on the trails on my first monday off. wow...so beautiful, and what a blessing to come along the two deer on the path. i am so excited to be in indiana for fall, and to have great trails near my home.

indiana summer

2007-07-13T13:45:00.000-04:00

the sun is bright, the sky is blue, the corn is high, the blueberries are ripe, the county fair is on...i'm definitely back in indiana. it's good to be home...it's even better to be with family and friends.

it was a long six months in australia. i like australia, but it's good to be back in the states.

i'm just about to leave on a church camping trip with my mom, dad, and my nieces...can't wait.

so more to come...

grieving death, celebrating life

2007-03-09T19:17:00.000-05:00

today is saturday, march 10. in a couple of hours my boss, kimberly, will be picking melanie (the intern) and I up to drive up the coast and meet oomera. she teaches the indigenous portion of our program. oomera is aboriginal. i am looking forward to meeting her. we will be going on a bit of a hike with her too.

just over a week ago i was on a bus, heading 7 hours west to a remote farm. we were taking a trip with the students to the "outback." it actually was nowhere near the outback, and "outback" is actually a fairly american term. australians really don't use it. about halfway to the farm i received a call from my sister kelly. there had been a death in my family. my uncle dick (my mom's brother in miami), had died that night. it was very unexpected and very tragic. needless to say, i really couldn't engage in the weekend the way i should have, and i was glad to get back and be able to call my mom.

it's never easy saying goodbye to a loved one, and very strange to be so removed from the family grieving process. all my family (immediate and extended) are all down in florida now. there will be a memorial service tomorrow. please pray for my family...my aunt linda; my cousins jen, amy, and david; my mom and my aunt dg; and the rest of us.

god is amazing. this week, as our family is grieving a death, we are also celebrating life, with two birthdays. i have definitely been thinking about how each day is a blessing that we must not take for granted. we never know when life might end, when we will not have a chance to do all the things we have dreamed of, or be the person we desire to be, or make ammends for the stupid things we do...

we just finished reading "can you drink the cup" by henri nouwen. i say we because whatever we assign the students to read melanie, kimberly, and i must also read it. anyway, he talks about drinking our cup to the fullest...the very last drop...including all the joys and the sorrows. so i ask myself, "can i drink the cup?" can i breath in each breath that god has given me and live life to the fullest?

thank you all for being a part of my life. i enjoy all the emails and questions about life in australia, and i especially enjoy hearing how things are going in your lives! know that you are in my thoughts and prayers.

life in sydney

2007-02-19T02:39:00.000-05:00

Ok, so it's been a little while and so much as happened since the last time i blogged. I'm still learning my way around the greater Sydney area and about life in Australia, but I am getting my head around a bit of it. So far, I am enjoying life here. Work has been fairly consuming, the students arriving last week, on Wednesday, and the three day orientation that followed. The students are great, and I truly enjoy having them here. My job has an entirely different feel when they are here...i love it. We have 25 students from all over the United States, their schools being a part of the Council for Christian Colleges & Universities, except for one student from Notre Dame. Oh, and there is one student from Kokomo. She graduated from Northwestern High school. I look forward to the semester ahead and the transformation and growth I know I will have a chance to see within students!

Back to life in Australia. You might wonder what I would have to adjust to...they speak english here...at least, some form or it...and they have a history of British colonization (like we once did)... and i don't know, there are other things I think most of us assume would be the same. Actually, there are many similarities, but there are also many differences and many of them subtle, which can make learning them even more difficult. All this to say, I am enjoying learning all the differences and similarities, and I hope to grow and change in new and positive ways.

One difference...indoors and outdoors...what's indoors is outdoors and what's outdoors is indoors. yes, some places have screens, but way use them when you can just leave everything wide open. when there is a large lizard living under your fridge...as long as it's not bothering you...it's all good, no worries.

One similarity...commercially speaking, they have quite a few american businesses and shops...target, kmart, mcdonalds (of course), kfc, etc. and they have many american tv shows. yes, i can feed my heroes, grey's anatomy, and ugly betty addictions!

One misconception made by people when it comes to the make up of Australia's population, in particular, Sydney's population is that apart from aboriginal peoples, all australians are caucasian. Australia has one of the highest (maybe the highest) rates of immigration. Sydney is an exceptionally diverse city, including all sorts of nationalities and ethnic backgrounds...i love it!

Ok, so some of you know that one of my major tasks upon arrival (not including figuring out my new job, dynamics with my boss, and general life in australia) was to find a place to live. my first attempt was disasterous...i moved in with a woman into witchcraft and wica. i moved in in the morning and moved out later in the evening...oops. so my second attempt at trying to find a share...that's what they call finding a roommate...was begun with a bit of apprehension and even more prayer. i am happy to say, last weekend i moved into a place. i share a house with erich and his dog wolf. wolf is a german shepherd...very well behaved, but very protective. erich, is first generation australian, his parents were from germany. he works for himself, in building/construction, and is very nice. he is into cycling and healthy eating...so very good influence. the house is situated on a little bay of the parramatta river...the river that flows from and is connected with sydney harbor and the ocean (check out your maps). the main floor ends with a balcony overlooking the water, which faces east (great sunrises). my room is on the main floor, along with the kitchen, den/study, family room, and bathroom. Erich's room is in the basement, which is a walkout. The area is nice and quite... about 30 minutes from the city by bus or by ferry, and about 15 minute walk from my house to work. part of the walk is along a path around the water that everyone goes on for exercise.

Outside of work and students, I have made one friend through Royal Benjamin at YFC (thank you!), and one friend through my housing search. i have also begun to look for a church. we'll see where i end up. I am excited to get to know people and explore my new home. Of course, there are definitely times when i miss you all and rough spots in the transition, but I know God has brought me here for a reason(s) and I am excited to learn what those are.

i'm here

2007-01-28T21:09:00.000-05:00

yes, that's right i am here in australia. it has been a long time in coming, but finally i am here. i arrived friday the 19th. my first week was quite the wirlwind, but this past weekend i had a chance to catch my breath. today begins my second week on the job, and my first day in my new place. i am sharing a house with a woman named lisa and her cat oscar. the house is just three blocks from wesley (the school we are located at). drummoyne, where i live and work, is a suburb of sydney (about a 20 minute bus ride into the city centre).

there's a lot to do before the students arrive in about three weeks. but i am confident that kimberly, myself, and melanie (the new intern) will accomplish all that we need to do.

so far i am enjoying life here. i do not know a lot of people yet, and am beginning my search for a church...but all those things will come with time.

in the meantime, here are some of the things i have done...jumped right into my new job, found a place to live, gone to a great concert at the opera house, watched fireworks just after that concert, learned how to play settlers of katan (sp?), eaten kanagroo (yes, it is actually eaten here in australia...kind of like steak, only a bit gamey), celebrated australia day by going to see the whitlams play (band), experienced eating my first austalian hotdog (they are a bit strange...like in northern ireland), and went bowling. those are just some of the highlights.

of course there have been moments of frustration and those times when i ask myself what have i gotten myself into. but those are natural, and come with every new adventure.

that's it for now. lunch break is over. have a great day!

dates and departure

2006-12-15T17:18:00.000-05:00

emma's surgery will be on the 2nd of january. she will be in the hospital for five days, off school for two weeks after being released from the hospital, and then back to school and normal life.

god's timing is amazing. i will be here for the surgery and the majority of her recovery time. then on january 17th i will be moving to australia. it's so difficult to believe that the time has finally come, and soon a new season in my life will begin. i had a wee taste of it in november on the new zealand trip with kimberly, charity, and the fall semester students. and i have to say, i am totally stoked about my job and this new adventure in life.

emma

2006-12-03T11:17:00.000-05:00

my niece emma is wonderful and i love her. she is a miracle. when she was one week old, actually before the end of that first week, emma had to have major heart surgery. she was born with a heart defect. each year of her seven years of life, she must go to the children's hospital and have a heart check-up. this year's check-up was on thursday. it was discovered that emma must have open-heart surgery...very soon...but they are going to wait until after christmas. it has not been scheduled yet, so i do not know when.

emma is a bit fearful and all of us are a bit sad and anxious...yet we know god will be with emma, the doctors, the nurses, us, and everyone else involved in the surgery and recovery. still it is a tough one to swallow. she is seven and is about to face open-heart surgery.

please pray for my niece emma...that god would give her peace, comfort, and strength...that god will heal her heart...that god will be with the doctors, nurses, and everyone else involved in her surgery and recovery...that god would give my sister michelle and brother-in-law jeff peace, comfort, and strength...that god would give all of my family and i the same.

shalom

full of thanks

2006-11-28T15:24:00.000-05:00

thanksgiving was good...helping my sister kelly set up everything at her and grant's house, spending time with my family, choking on some turkey...my first bite of grant's deep fried wild turkey went down the wrong pipe, which started a five minute coughing attack. of course, we watched some football...but i also watched an old doris day film and some of us watched survivor and grey's anatomy. it was so nice just to be there with my family. i have been thankful...if i can't be in australia yet, at least i can be home for my favorite time of year fall/thanksgiving/christmas. can't wait for a little snow. i think that might arrive this weekend. oh, and i almost forgot...we tried to play a joke on my dad...there was an attempt to convince dad that i had gotten a tatoo in new zealand...he did not fall for it. but maybe next trip i really will get one.

so the trip...it was great! new zealand was beautiful. it was good to finally meet kimberly in person (she's great and loves the 80's as much as i do). the students were wonderful and welcomed me right in, even though it was their last week (this trip was the end of their semester abroad and they flew home to the states from auckland). i look forward to more trips to new zealand.

as you might have guessed, i am still here in the states and still waiting on my work visa. it's been a crazy process. but i know god has a plan and the right time for me to move to australia. i'm trusting in that, otherwise, i would be out of my mind with frustration. i'm not sure all of the reasons for my delay, but i am thankful to spend thanksgiving and christmas with my family. hopefully the new year will bring about my move to a new location...australia, here i come!

as for now, i am doing a bit of work and reading from here, and enjoying the holidays. this thursday i am headed down to kentucky to spend time with my friends shauna, neil, and jenny, and hopefully, emily and eric. it's christmas in wilmore this weekend, and i will also do some reading in the seminary library. at the minute, i am at my sister michelle's house using their computer....and i think she might need me to help her figure out the christmas tree lights...one section is out. so that's the lates! have a great day!

new zealand

2006-10-27T13:29:00.000-04:00

nope...my australian work visa has not been approved yet. kimberly and i were hoping that i would be moving to australia in time for the student trip to new zealand and the end of the semester. this trip will be the first to new zealand. it would be good for me to be there with kimberly (director) and charity (intern). we would be able to sort out what to do on this trip for semesters to come. this time would also be a chance for me to get to know everyone, especially kimberly. so far i am the employee over the phone and online...it's a bit strange...but unavoidable. so yes, i have been frustrated...but i am also ok about it all, knowing that God is in control of it all. and then, good news today. turns out i will be going to new zealand. i do not have all the details just yet (they'll be sorted out more on monday). looks like i will be flying to new zealand, then back to the states, and then hopefully, my visa will be ready, and i can move to australia.

please pray for my family...especially for my parents and my grandmother....my moving right before the holidays will be difficult for them. i'm ready, ready, ready...but i want to be sensitive to their feelings. not that i do not love spending time with my family on the holidays, but i am just so ready to get going.

ok, so that's the latest. i hope you all have a happy halloween! dressing up, eating candy, carving pumpkins...oh, so much fun...i love seeing all the little kids come to the door in their costumes and giving them candy! this year emma is dressing up as peyton manning (colts' quaterback), and sarah is dressing up as a cheerleader (to match her friend/boyfriend who is dressing up as a football player)...quite the sports theme this year!

a funny "little miss sunshine" thing

2006-10-05T17:03:00.000-04:00

on the lighter side of things, today i went to the movie to escape my parents as they prepared to leave for another rv trip. it's just not fun to be stuck in the middle of their yelling and carrying on while attempting to load up the rv and get it out of the driveway. this is the lighter side...i promise it gets better. not having too many movies to choose from, living in kokomo, with only one movie theatre...i picked "little miss sunshine." it was a movie i had actually wanted to see, but just hadn't gotten to it yet. it is not my desire to give too much of the movie away incase this is something you would like to see. so i will try to limited myself. "little miss sunshine" is a dark comedy about a little girl from new mexico who is given the chance to compete in a california beauty pageant. due to somewhat unrealistic circumstances, the entire family (the girl, brother, mom, dad, uncle, and grandfather) ends up driving out to redondo beach in a vw bus. i walked into the theatre knowing this much. i would guess that the elderly couple who walked in not long after me, the three of us being the only audience for this movie, did not have the same knowledge. i did wonder to myself, upon their entry, do they know this movie is dark comedy...one that would usually be showing in an art house theatre, if there was such a thing in kokomo, indiana? but i settled in to watch the film, and was pleasantly surprised how much i truly enjoyed the movie. it was all about coming to terms with family. as dysfunctional as they sometimes can be, we must make a serious attempt at looking deeper than the first annoying layer, and loving far beyond what we might consider acceptable. and i did not miss the fact that i had gone to this movie to escape my parents...the completely dysfunctional, but completely loved pair. what was also not lost on me was the hugely funny moment at the end of the film when i was contemplating just how much i enjoyed what i had watched and the women of the elderly couple loudly states loudly just how terrible she thought the movie was. too funny! oh, and i love the end of the movie...the talent portion of the pageant...can't touch this!

the darkness

2006-10-05T16:23:00.000-04:00

the other day i was watching oprah. she had three survivors on. each person had tried to take their own life in an attempt to escape from pain and unbearable depression...but they lived. and each story was about new-found zeal for life, two of the three talking specifically about their new faith in God. it was incredible to hear their stories, and how their lives have changed dramatically since, each survivor having an overwhelming desire to reach out to others who might be suffering through the same type of pain. i could relate...i understood the helplessness they felt, the desire for it all to just go away, the feeling of being utterly alone. depression is something i have dealt with for as long as i can remember. most of you know this because i am open about my struggles. just as these survivors are compelled to share their stories, i am also committed to reaching out to others who might be struggling with the darkness. for those of you who have never experienced serious depression, it is difficult to even imagine what those of us who have experienced it are talking about. it is beyond what is fathomable to you. darkness is a good descriptor....complete despair, feeling that nobody else could possibly understand, hope is gone, a feeling of sinking lower and lower, trapped in an unexplained, indescribable haze of helplessness, feeling weak and ashamed for not being able to "snap out of it"....depression. for all those who are feeling those things or who have felt those things....you are NOT alone. you are loved. you are not to feel ashamed. you are to know that you are a beautiful creation of God, who is loved and accepted just as you are. often before i sleep i pray for those who are feeling alone because for me, nights are bad. those are the hours i sometimes let negative thoughts invade my mind and consume my joy. but those are also the hours God comforts me and reminds me of the truth. i am not alone and i am loved. this is what i want everyone to know deeply in their hearts...you are not alone...you are loved. and if anyone ever needs to talk, please write to me or someone else you know.

fall

2006-09-28T10:46:00.001-04:00

the air is turning crisp, leaves are beginning to change, the farmers are harvesting their fields, the sky is a brilliant blue...fall is here...and i love it! i love all the seasons, and i especially love fall...the cool air, leaves changing to the rich colors of fall, bonfires, harvesting, hayrides, playing in the fallen leaves, halloween...dressing up and eating candy, going to pumpkin patches, football games, camping, carving pumpkins...there are so many wonderful things to do in fall. when i lived in l.a. i always missed the beauty of spring and fall. growing up in indiana gave me amazing experiences with all the seasons, and fall was no exception. my neighborhood was full of kids, and it was the late 70's and early 80's...kids could roam all over the neighborhood without fear of someone snatching them up...you might have some older siblings or neighborhood kids try to scare you, but nothing serious. the streets were filled with kids all dressed up, eager to show-off their costumes and to see how much candy they could collect. when i was really young, and my sisters were still trick-or-treating, we used to come home and dump all our candy out in the middle of the living room floor to see what eachother had scored. then the trading would commence. of course, being seven years younger than michelle and five years younger than kelly, i imagine there were times they tried to rip me off, but we generally got along during this process and had a great time reliving the night of adventure through the telling of tales. oh my , i almost left out one of the most important parts...the costumes...we always made our costumes. it was a very rare occasion when something was actually bought from the store for our halloween costumes. this was something that i did not notice when i was really young, then came a time when i did notice and wouldn't have minded having something new from a store...but that did not last long, and i truly appreciated how creative i could be with my mom. my sisters and i had all sorts of costumes through the years...ragedy ann, strawberry shortcake, mars bar, cheerleader, red crayola crayon, campbells soup (my sister kelly's high school nickname was cams..short for campbells...cause she looked like the kids on the lable)...they were all made by hand and oh so creative. i love that my mom did that...yes, it was out of financial nessecity, but it definitely impacted my life as a creative person...as an artist...and anyone who has ever lived with me or spent much time with me knows just how much i love to create things...and get people dressed up in crazy costumes!

i hope all of you enjoy the beauty of fall this year and experience all the fun things that it brings!

rushing to wait

2006-09-15T11:04:00.000-04:00

things had been moving along...so i began trying to accomplish all the things i need to do before i move to australia, including visiting some people. but this monday i was told, due to australian government cutbacks, my visa will take 6-8 weeks to process....and my application hasn't even been completely submitted yet. as frustrated as i am, my boss kimberly is even more frustrated. but i am choosing to look at the positive side...i will have a bit more time to get things done, spend time with my family...knowing god has a reason for the delay. i've been patient this long...what's a few weeks more.

these last few weeks have been filled with so much activity. i went to a colts pre-season game (a bit of a snooze...but watching on tv the colts beat the giants last sunday night made up for it), kelly and i helped grant with another turkey banquet, i have cheered on emma and sarah at their soccer games, gone along on mom and sarah's field trip to a cincinnati reds game, up to the lake on labor day weekend with just my parents and me, went to the blueberry festival in plymouth, down to kentucky to visit with emily, eric, shauna, neil, and jenny, then up to michigan to visit kristine, david, alan, norma, david and deborah (the johnstons are over to canada for norma's brother's wedding, and came down for a visit), tonight mom and i are doing the indianapolis irish fest 5k, tomorrow we are doing a sale in the church parking lot for missions, and in the midst of all this i have also been sorting, packing, storing, sewing a quilt, reading books about australia, and working on a few other projects.

people ask me if i am scared or nervous or anxious about moving so far away....i'm not...well, a little anxious excited, but not anxious frightened. the other week i shared something with my mom that i had not shared with anyone before. my last spring on campus at seminary (spring 05), when my search for the next step/a job was just going to begin, i had this stupid class. i say stupid class because, for the most part, it was a waste of time. but there were two good things about it. one, i could see my youth ministry and christian education friends once a week...we were all so busy by this point. and two, god gave me peace through a repetitive class exercise. this class met once a week, and to start every class our professor had us stand and say the 139 psalm in unison. this is the psalm that talks about god knowing each of us so completely, and that he will be with us everywhere...the part that jumped out at me every time we did this exercise was the line that says..."if i settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast." at first, i just thought it was coming from me...like me wanting to go back to northern ireland...but i now know it was god giving me peace....from the moment i first heard about this position to the moment they offered me the job to this very moment, i am not afraid. i know god has prepared me and will be with me every step of the way. i know god will be with my family and friends. i am about to settle on the far side of the sea and god is guiding me.

psalm 139

O Lord, you have searched me and you know me. You know when I sit and when I rise; you percieve my thoughts from afar. You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways. Before a word is on my tongue you know it completely, O Lord. You hem me in--behind and before; you have laid your hand upon me. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain. Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast. If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me," even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you. For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. How precious to me are your thoughts, O God! How vast is the sum of them! Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand. When I awake, I am still with you. If only you would slay the wicked, O God! Away from me, you bloodthirsty men! They speak of you with evil intent; your adversaries misuse your name. Do not I hate those who hate you, O Lord, and abhor those who rise up against you? I have nothing but hatred for them; I count them my enemies. Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.

australia

2006-08-09T13:33:00.000-04:00

ok, so it is not official, but....i just can't wait any more....i am the new coordinator of the council for christian colleges & universities' australia studies centre. i will be working under the director, kimberly spragg. you can read more about the ASC and the CCCU on their websites.... www.bestsemester.com and www.cccu.org.

it's hard to believe and still has not sunk in yet...the search is over. God has brought me this amazing job that seems like it will be such a great fit, combining all the things i am so passionate about...faith, art, ministry, social justice. and i will be working along side students as they break out and experience wonderful new things and are challenged. i am so excited, yet still holding back the celebration until i have a signed contract. they are in the process of drafting up the contract. then the work visa process will begin. i am praying that it goes quickly and smoothly. also that all the little details about my move come together. i am also excited to be investing in a community for longer than two years! i am not sure how long i will live in australia, but i am ready to commit three to five years or longer...beyond that, God only knows!

i suppose that is it for now. i'm sure i will have many more things to say about this whole journey i am about to embark on. i'm off to move around some furniture for my mom's spa party thing tonight and then it's the treadmill for me. i feel so much better when i exercise regularly. oh, and i might get to do a bit of water skiing this weekend. nobody is renting our lake cottage right now so my sister and jeff and all their friends are headed up for the weekend. i think i will go too...spend time...and play in the water with my nieces!

three of a kind

2006-08-01T11:28:00.000-04:00

this weekend i'm headed up tp chicago for a wedding...eric and meghan will be married on saturday!

god has brought amazing people into my life throughout the years. and i am so thankful for each and every person, but this post is about three guys in particular. i had several close friends in high school...eric, ryan, and john were three of them. twenty years ago i became friends with ryan in junior high church youth group. and five years later, my sophmore year in high school, i met eric and john at a senior high church lock-in. ryan had convinced his two friends to come for the free pizza and basketball. i had no idea, at the time, what an impact these three guys would have on my life. but god knew how much i needed positive male influence and relationship...due to the craziness in my home. as much as a girl could be, they welcomed me in as one of the guys, teaching me so many important lessons...

the art of belching...loud and proud
(for this and the next on the list...now all of you who have lived with me, know who to blame!!!!)
the power and variety in farting
how to do donuts in the snowy church parking lot
how to dance badly and not care what others think
how to shoot really bad music videos (our girls' video rocked!)
the skill of nighttime institute pranks and initiation
the card shark nature of euchre
an introduction to the beastie boys...and then as their musical taste became more refined...the prayer chain, sunny day real estate, radiohead, elliott smith, deathcab for cutie, the shins...
and many more important life lessons

in all seriousness, though they might not have known it, they really did teach me important lessons...
ryan taught me about leadership, faithfulness, and compassion.
eric taught me about humility, modesty, and sincerity.
john taught me about creativity, passion, and expression.

i am thankful for these three guys and all of the many people who have influenced me over the years.

two of these great guys have already found the amazing women they will spend the rest of their lives with...lori and janet. and now i have the honor of being present on the day when the last commits his life to the one god has given him. i am truly blessed.

still waiting

2006-07-28T10:36:00.000-04:00

yes, i'm still waiting to hear about australia. flew to d.c. on monday night, had my interview tuesday morning and afternoon, and flew back tuesday night. the interview went really well, and i enjoyed meeting all the cccu staff. but the final decision is up to kimberly...so i am still waiting...and going a bit mad. i've done so much of this in the last year, especially in the last 5 months. i'm trying to remember each day that god is in control and will provide...however he wants to do it...which might not be this position. i will definitely let you all know when i hear something. have a wonderful weekend!

a photo

2006-07-17T20:03:00.000-04:00

so i am finally posting a photo of me....there are just very few to choose from because i am always behind the camera rather than in front of it. so this one is from last summer in northern ireland. i'll try to remember to take a new one sometimes soon.

county fair

2006-07-13T21:45:00.000-04:00

today i went to the howard county fair. it is quite a tradition where i come from. i had not been to it in years. my sister michelle talked me into going and meeting up with her, jeff, emma, sarah, and their friends the minglins and the roberts. now for those of you who have never been to a county fair...what more could you ask for than tons of people, tons of food, rides, livestock, crafts, and the ever so fresh smell of manure. and if you are one of my northern irish friends...think m&d's, but this is only set up one week in the summer each year...oh, and again add the livestock, crafts, and manure. i actually love checking out all the crafty stuff, seeing all the people, and watching my nieces and their friends on the rides with big smiles on their faces and laughter that reaches out to me. but it sure was hot this year...you know it is hot when... you feel the stream of sweat start to run down your back... your just not in the mood to eat an elephant ear...and you don't mind that your niece just put ice down your shirt!

i can't remember the first time i went to the county fair...but i do have two very vivid memories from my late elementary school/junior high years...don't remember exactly which. the first was with my old friend mike. mike and i grew up together in the neighborhood...right across the street from eachother. and we were always together, often up to a bit of mischief (riding our bikes everywhere, lighting things on fire, torturing his younger sister julia). so this year, we thought we were so cool because we were riding the rides without a parent....that was until we got onto the spider (i think that was the name...or something like it). it was this black ride with yellow lights. from the center three of four different legs branched out and within each leg there were three or four compartments coming out. mike and i stepped up into our compartment and then the man running the ride pushed it shut. but mike and i were not altogether sure that the man had done his job correctly, and we felt that he should have latched ours tighter or surely there was some way to make the gap go away....to us the gap in the compartment seemed to grow as the ride intensified in speed. mike and i were holding onto the bar for dear life....we were convinced if we did not hold on as tight as we could that our compartment would come apart and we would go flying into the air, falling down to our death. you all know that i am still alive...so is mike. we survived the ride and saw another summer trip to the county fair. which brings me to my other vivid memory of the howard county fair. another year mike and i were joined by my friend anne ( a link to her blog is in my friends section), and my cousins kevin and marshall, who had come up from florida for the summer. we had a sweet night, but it was coming to an end. everyone, except me, decided to ride one last ride...the gravitron...you know the thing that spins around so fast and then the floor drops out. all was well as we got into the car for my dad to drive us home. anne and i were in the front seat with dad, and the guys were in the back. all the windows were down, as we made our way down the country roads. and then it happened...suddenly, i see anne turn to the side and put her head out the window...yes, you guessed it....she was throwing up....not only was she throwing up, but the wind was blowing into the open back window, onto the guys. ah, the memories! i hope you all have a chance to go to a county fair someday :)

wipeout

2006-07-07T14:51:00.000-04:00

just finished with my second interview for a job in australia (more details to come...if i am offered the position). i think it was a good one...we'll see what happens.

so this week was the whole family get together for my grandmother's 90th birthday and the 4th of july. it definitely was interesting...complete with cake, meltdowns (by both children and adults), catching up, playing games, boat registration issues, swimming, weed fights, and me wiping out on the brick path at the lake cottage...yes, for those of you who have experienced living with me, you know that i have clumsy tendencies...falling down the cement front steps of my dorm during freshman orientation (right in front of a group of guys waiting for us), falling out of the shower with the shower door in the dorm hall bathroom, multiple falls/trips off the curb onto riverside drive, crashing into a crate twice in one week, walking into a pole on a bridge into mexico...the list could go on. now i have a new one to add to the list. the tip of my flipflop caught on a brick and i came crashing down. after taking a few deep breathes and asessing if i could get up, i was on my feet and cleaning out the mutiple deep scrapes and checking out all the instant bruises. what can you do but laugh!

hope you all have a great weekend! oh, and for those of you who have ever been an assistant in hollywood or anywhere else, you might get a kick out of the devil wears prada.

music festivals, tree tunnels, and muck up to my eyeballs!

2006-06-22T12:10:00.000-04:00

these last two weeks have been a bit mad. beginning with a crazy two-day interview that was more intense than i ever dreamed. while interviewing at huntington university, i had meetings with a variety of people, from the president to some students and everyone imaginable inbetween. it was definitely a bit overwhelming. i'm still processing and trying to listen to god to know if the position would be a good fit for me and me for them. in the meantime, i am once again being considered for the job in australia....what i thought was dead in the water, is now alive and well. they finally have the position approved and i am in the top two or three. along with these two possibilities is the position in savannah with urban hope and the position in indianapolis at st. luke's. not sure what is happening with those two at the minute, but happy enough to be preoccupied with huntington and australia. my head has been spinning in the last two weeks...and my heart is ready to go...ready to be a part of a new community...i'll let you know where that community will be.

tree tunnels...yes, trees that line the road and create a bit of a tunnel. i had missed the beautiful tree tunnels i once passed through on my way from wilmore to frankfort, on the back roads of kentucky. tuesday morning i was reminded once again of kentucky's beauty. my friends shauna and neil invited me down to ichthus (a big christian music festival) to help out. i have to admit, musically speaking, i would have rather been at bonnaroo (music festival in tennessee) listening to music i love...radiohead, beck, my morning jacket, elvis costello, ben folds, bonnie raitt, blues traveler, cat power, nickel creek, death cab for cutie, tom petty, and many more...but there is something to be said for a huge christian music festival, where young people are celebrated and encouraged in their faith. and being at ichthus is also a mini reunion for me with friends from college, seminary and the young people from frankfort. so i did not mind doing two nine-hour shifts of stage security over the course of two days...it was a welcome break in thinking too much about my job possibilities and choices i will soon have to make. also, i love spending time with my friends shauna and neil, in a home where they welcome so many in and love it...during the weekend there were six guests (including myself), as well as, neil's sister jennifer, who lives with them...so nine people, three dogs, and two cats :)

now you might wonder how muck up to my eyeballs fits into the events of the last two weeks, and you might also think that i was speaking metaphorically...no, i am speaking literally...with a bit of exaggeration. yesterday afternoon/evening, i spent a few hours up to my knees, sometimes a bit higher, in muck at the bottom of the lake. dad needed some help putting in more of the pier. knowing that he needed to leave directly from the lake to deliver an rv to california (in retirement, his latest job is to deliver/drive rv's all over the us), i volunteered to get in the water. you all know how much i love water, but i knew full well, this was not for play...for those of you who have been up to the cottage...i was in the section where water was up to my chest and muck was up to my knees...where we do not swim. anyway, after a few hours of me putting poles into the lake and attaching braces, we were finished for now, having added another section of the pier....with more to come. so i might be back in the muck again to help out. after the renters this week, my family has the cottage for our week....we always have it around the 4th of july and usually my cousin kristin and her husband and their three girls come up for a visit. this year is different...all three of my cousins on my dad's side will be coming with their children (not all the spouses can make it). we will be celebrating my grandmother's 90th birthday and then spending time at the lake together. this will be the first time that all of the cousins have been together in indiana since i was a kid. i am looking forward to it, but also knowing it will be a bit crazy too...please pray ;)

have a wonderful weekend!

trust

2006-06-12T18:53:00.000-04:00

went to mass with my sister yesterday morning...how appropriate for me that it was the sunday of the trinity. the priest related the mystery of the trinity with the mystery of life, specifically the life of the first mexican saint, phillip of jesus (or something like that)...his life did not go according to plan and he might not have understood it...he went to a franciscan order/seminary for a year, then left to follow after his dad in business and went somewhere in south america to pursue it, then after a few years he joined an order there, then when he was sailing home to become a priest, his ship got caught up in bad weather, and they ended up in japan, where he was crucified for his christian faith...and eventually became an official saint. his life did not go according to plan. then we were lead in a song...the congregation repeating the line....may your mercy be with us as we place our trust in you (or something like that)...which reminded me of romans 15:13, one of my favorite verses..."may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit." in that moment god reminded me that i must continue to trust in him, even when i have no clue what he is doing with my life at the moment.

oh, and i had a good time with grant and kelly. we painted their newly repaired porch and i sprinkled milky spore stuff all over their lawn to get rid of the slugs...or maybe it is not slugs...well then some other pesky critter that is keeping their grass from looking lovely. anyway, then we went to germanfest with grant's parents...nothing like sitting at a crowded table, filled with people eating sauerkraut and bratwurst, drinking beer, talking, and watching folk dancers. i enjoyed watching all the people. too bad they only had a big sign up in support of the world cup, rather than a big screen with some of the action.

i love that america, to me, is a celebration of people and cultures from all over the world...

all the action

2006-06-08T18:03:00.000-04:00

can i just say it is a great week in sports...i am loving catching bits of the french open (tennis) and the world cup (football/soccer) starts tomorrow! i hope andrew and his two groups have a great time in germany! and speaking of germany, i'm headed up to kelly and grant's (my sister and brother-in-law) for the weekend, and i think we might head to fort wayne's germanfest tomorrow night. today, i took my nieces to see over the hedge, which they enjoyed. i still want to take them to a drive-in theater to see a movie! hope you all have a great weekend!

a little more clarity, a little less hormones

2006-06-07T15:34:00.002-04:00

ok, so yesterday...i would have to say that i was a bit influenced by hormones when i went off on my synical tirade...today i am a bit more clear and a little less hormonal. i still do not have all the answers, but i am a little less irritated.

some of you may know that i have been spending a bit of my free time making things. i was on a knitting - baby blanket kick, then a weaving - change purse kick, now i am making my first quilt...one side will be bits of old t-shirts and things i have saved since i was a wee girl and the other side will be a bit more traditional quilt (or as traditional as i go). i have been wanting to do this for years, but never had the time. so for the last two days i have been a quilting maniac. actually, more of a pinning maniac. i decided to pin the shirts together to see how big the quilt is going to be....it's a big one!

mom and dad are off in the rv for a week in north carolina....which means i get a bit of a holiday too. actually, it will leave me space to prepare for some more interviewing with the people in savannah and my two-day interview in huntington next week. and then shauna and neil are trying to convince me to come down to ichthus(next weekend) and do a bit of stage security with them. i am considering it, if it works into the interviewing schedule. it would be fun to see the young people from frankfort and some of my seminary and college friends. ok, that's me.

hope you have a great day!

waiting, waiting, waiting

2006-06-06T09:35:00.000-04:00

i must admit....waiting is difficult. it's not like waiting in a long line for a ride at an amusement park, or waiting on a letter to arrive, or waiting on a friend who is late, or waiting for a movie to begin....i am waiting on the next step, phase, adventure in life....while trying to continue living. i have been in this state of limbo for almost a year now. though this time last year, i was not focused on it because i had a summer filled with activity (northern ireland, research/project, kelly and grant's wedding, kristine and david's wedding, etc.). now i am , i can't help but be focused on the fact that i have not yet found a job, a place to live, a place to belong in and serve. sometimes i feel so frustrated i want to scream, yet i remain confident god has a place for me. it has been strange...i still live in boxes, i never know how much to connect with or engage in, and i struggle with how to answer peoples' questions. if i do not know the answers myself, and have no idea what god is up to, then how could i possibly know how to answer the many questions i am asked...what type of job are you looking for? where do you want to live? what is a master's degree in youth ministry? what is a bachelor's degree in media communications? how does media and art go together with youth ministry? why don't you just work in a church? maybe god is trying to teach you a lesson or help you sort through something....is there something you need closure in? is there something you haven't dealt with? is there something unfinished? why have you lived in so many places and done so many odd things? how does it all fit together? oh, we have a position open at our church, why don't you come work here? are you opposed to working in a church ("no"), then why don't you work in my church? why did you go back to school? are you married? why not? do you have kids? you sound young...why haven't you done this before? why have you done that? are you looking here? have you done that? why don't you just do this (insert brilliant idea)?

i know i sound incredibly synical and ungreatful. and no matter how much i try to convince you, you might not think i am sincere when i say that i am truly thankful for everyone in my life and the support they give me. i am thankful, and i know that people are just trying to help. but other than prayer, there is not much that others can do...really, it is me and god. he has got a reason, a plan, a purpose...i just cannot see it completely yet...it is up to god to reveal it all when he wants, when the time is right. and i am done trying to figure out what it is, define it, and describe it to others. we will all know when it happens.

there have been times when i thought...this is it, ok, i'm ready...only to discover that i was wrong, completely wrong. part of me would love to be in a new far off place, serving god in an unconventional why. another part of me (i know you may not believe it) would like to live somewhere in indiana or near by so that i could enjoy the wonderful moments with my family...like watching my niece emma fall asleep in my arms as i rock her in a porch swing. her newly celebrated, seven-year-old self warn out from the swimming, silly string fighting, trampoline jumping, volleyball playing, gift opening, cake eating, pinata hitting, bike riding, and general running around.

i have now been in the interview process for two different positions for over a month, and a third for a few weeks. this current spurt of interviews has followed a series of ups and downs in applications, interviews, and rejections (some on their part, some on mine). do i know positively if one of these positions is the one....no....i am just trying to remain open and positive...knowing god has something out there for me. in the mean time, i am trying to be healthier in life again...spending time with god, reading, eating healthier, exercising, spending time with friends and family (in person and on the phone), and enjoying the life i have right now. i hope i did not offend too many people...really i am thankful for all the wonderful people in my life, and their attempts at trying to make me feel better.

so enough of my synical tirade....i am off to enjoy this beautiful day that god has created. i hope you enjoy it too.

seven

2006-06-02T10:15:00.000-04:00

my neice emma is turning seven...i can't believe it! she is so full of energy and life! it is hard to believe that when she was born she had to have heart surgery, and that she might have to have another surgery in the future (this year she went from 18% blocked to 30%...they operate when it is 50%). i am excited to celebrate her birthday, with the rest of my family, on sunday. and once again, i will be...aunt marianne, the pool toy! but i love it! and sarah, my other niece, turns twelve in august...yes, that's right, one more year until she is officially a teenager. now that's got to make some of us feel really old. to all of my high school and college friends....can you remember when she was a wee baby, just born my sophmore year at asbury? i love being an aunt to emma, sarah, and nathan...i look forward to when kelly and grant have children.

hope you all have a great weekend!

running down the isle

2006-05-31T13:26:00.000-04:00

Monday, May 22, 2006

yes, running! my friends mike and ruth are now married! to capture a bit of their individuality and love of adventure, they decided to run out of the sanctuary to the theme music of the amazing race. so just after they kissed and were introduced as husband and wife, the music started and they took off running down the isle, with all of us bridesmaids and groomsmen doing the same. thankfully i did not wipe out in my floor-length dress and take down phil with me, nor did anyone else.

the week i spent just outside of chicago was a great one. i enjoyed being a part of my friends' wedding and i enjoyed catching up with some old friends. during the first part of the week i stayed with my old lafsc apartmentmate, lisa and her husband brian. we get together every couple of years...it had been a while since our last visit. the second half of the week i stayed at a hotel with my old l.a. roommate heather (matron of honor) and her daughter katie(flower girl). and then during the wedding festivities i was able to catch up a bit with old l.a. friends gavin and phil...and meet phil's wonderful fiance denise...who loves to dance...just like me! now mike and ruth are off on the honeymoon in thailand, continuing their life of adventure together!

i am thankful for all the wonderful people god has brought into my life throughout the years. and i am thankful for friends who inspire me to be a better person, express my creativity, and change the world. and i am thankful for friends who like to cut loose and dance!

spring

2006-05-31T13:25:00.001-04:00

Monday, May 08, 2006

so spring is here, now almost summer....and i am loving it. the lush green, buds and blooms, and amazing smells (like the lilac trees all through the neighborhood). most evenings i go for a bike ride around the neighborhood with my mom, and we just take in all that spring has brought. yesterday, i think spring made me a little crazy...when my niece emma(6 soon to be 7) was showing me the latest from her gymnastics lesson, i decided to join her in doing cartwheels. so without stretching or much thought and in my jeans and nice shirt, i do a cartwheel...totally pulling something in my leg. but do i stop...no...i keep on doing cartwheels and then join in races to the tree and back. today, my body is screaming of its thirty-one years. but i am still convinced i would have been fine if i had stretched a little first. despite my sore leg, i am so very happy spring is here. and i look forward to doing many more cartwheels with my nieces.

i am here

2006-05-31T13:25:00.000-04:00

Thursday, April 27, 2006

do you ever feel overwhelmed by the world and what goes on everyday...war, greed, sickness, sadness...i do. sometimes i just want to scream and make everything ok for everyone....give food to the hungry, make safe the children who walk through the night, stop the greed and power-hungry push. i cannot make all the change in the world....but we can make a difference....each one of us...in our own way. i have been waiting...sometimes patiently, sometimes not...for wherever god is going to take me next, but i think sometimes i forget that i am here now...here in kokomo, here at my parents' house, here in my hometown, here in my home church, here with my family and old friends. what am i doing to make a difference while i am here, rather that thinking about what i will do some place and time in the future...what am i doing right here, right now? for a while i was hiding away. now slowly, i have emerged. i have been spending time with old friends, who are like family... maybe there is a reason we are reconnected in a more day-to-day way. time spent with my family can be so challenging, but i do love them so much. and then there is always my never ending battle for health...both physical and emotional. i have always struggled with my weight, ever since i was a child. it is a part of who i am, and through it all i have always desired to be healthy...i love activity...i love sports...i love exercise. there have been times when i have been more healthy, the most notable was the summer of 2001/beginning of my experience in the northern ireland. i had dropped a lot of weight and was beginning to be in great shape....but that was then and here i am now.... so i am out of hibernation....once again i am attempting a healthier life...and i am a mad woman on the treadmill. i love being outside, but the treadmill allows me to pace myself much faster. and my sister just returned my bike that she borrowed...can't wait to ride and ride...as i once did in my childhood when i practically lived on my bike or like my days spent riding along the ocean in california. i do wish i could be swimming, but i am living in the now...so not at the minute. but for me, there is just something about being in the water...moving through god's creation with his warmth all around me and i am weightless, speachless, drifting in anther world, one of beauty and peace. so this is me, now, trying to live the life i have ....trying to make a difference in my life and the lives around me and looking for opportunities to make change in the world...who knows where i will be tomorrow.

hope

2006-05-31T13:22:00.000-04:00

Tuesday, April 18, 2006

in the midst of my job search, i have tried to remain confident and hopeful that the right job and circumstances would come along. at different times, i thought i had discovered what i was looking for only for something not to be right....they weren't what i was looking for, i wasn't what they were looking for, funding for the position wasn't there, etc. then out of the blue last week, everything started picking up and suddenly i found myself in a whirlwind of activity. three different serious opportunities, and the possibility that one might be flying me out to los angeles. it did not bother me that by the end of the week i had rejected one job possibility and another job possibility rejected me, leaving me with one option. i was so excited about the job in l.a., and feeling so thankful, that finally, after trying to be so patient, something was happening. all of this led up to easter. this easter i have had time to reflect on what it truly means for me and the rest of the world. and as i sat in my family's home church, pastor dominique spoke about hope. i had already been thinking about a quote i had heard recently..."hope is the ablility to hear the music of the future; faith is having the courage to dance to it today." peter kuzmic... i guess god really wanted to put hope in my heart and mind. yesterday, i was told by the guy in l.a. that they wanted to slow down the process, which deflated me just a bit. but today i remain hopeful of the possibility. and if it is not this than it is something else. i know there is a place for me...i know there is somewhere for me to share all the gifts that god has given me. i am building up the courage again to dance today.

the trip

2006-05-31T13:21:00.000-04:00

so florida...overall, the trip was ok. i enjoyed playing in the ocean with my nieces. and of course, with my fair skin, i did burn a bit in the sun. died laughing when my mom wiped out on my niece's boogie board and then flashed everyone on the beach as she tried to get up (she was laughing too). we all had fun go-karting and water bumper boating. the week was good with little drama....that is, until the ride home. after being the driver for the first 12 hours of the day (through rain, several accident sites, loads of traffic, and my youngest niece's frequent outbursts) we joined an almost stopped traffic jam in nashville, where the tornadoes that had gone through the night before wiped out part of the freeway. at that point, my sister decided to criticize my driving skills, which did not go over well with me. we have since apologized to eachother. and i remain happy that i went along on the trip to florida. it is always strange being in florida on vacation on the gulf side rather than being down there for family stuff in the fort lauderdale/miami area.

fun and sun

2006-05-31T13:20:00.000-04:00

Sunday, March 26, 2006

not sure how much sun there will be or fun. i'm headed to florida with my family at the end of the week. trapped in an rv (caravan....for my northern irish friends) for a week with my two neices, their friend, my sister, and our mom and dad. could be loads of fun, could also be a nightmare. for those of you who have met the van winkle family up close and in person, you know what i mean. but they are all excited that i have the chance to go along with them. so i am trying to get excited too. the week will involve water, which makes me very happy. (though the waves in florida are nothing like the lovely waves of southern california.) so here's to a week with my crazy family in a small, confinded place...may we all be sea loving, safe, and sane!

sunshine and saint patrick

2006-05-31T13:19:00.000-04:00

Tuesday, March 14, 2006

yesterday i was on a walk in the neighborhood....the neighborhood of my childhood, where i once played, rode my bike, explored the woods and the creek...

sun brightly shining, clouds racing by, and wind gusting...it was almost as if i was at the ocean...i could almost taste the salty spray. my thoughts wandered back to ireland. the strong gusts of wind took me to the edge of a cliff on the island of inishmore (the largest of the three aran islands off the west coast). my mom was over visiting. we decided to stay in galway for a weekend and take a ferry out to inishmore. due to my legendary motion sickness, mom and i stood on the deck while being pelted with the rain and wind. once on the island, we hired a very nice university student to take us around in his pony trap (a cart pulled by a horse). eventually we made our way out to an ancient ruin site up on the edge of a cliff. unlike american tourist sites, there were no warning signs, railings, fences, gaurds, etc. one could walk right up to the cliff's edge and look right down to the crashing ocean....so i did (totally freaking out my mother). the wind was crazy, the sun was bright, the clouds were racing by, and the waves were crashing into the rocks...amazing!

northern ireland/ireland...one of the places i feel at home. god took me there. just like he took saint patrick there (though not saint patrick at the time). unlike patrick, i had a choice...i was not kidnapped and then enslaved as a teenager. eventually patrick was able to escape his captors in ireland and return to britain. but god called him back. patrick studied, became a priest, and returned to ireland. rather than see the people of ireland as barbarians or beneath him, patrick loved them and lived among them, as one of them. i love that because it is how i feel about life and ministry. i am no better than anyone else. i just love god and want to share that love and knowledge with others. and i am meant to do that in everyday living. so i look to the example of christ, his unconditional love for others....and i look to the examples of other remarkable people like saint patrick and mother teresa...and i look to the examples of wonderful people in my life. i am thankful for the faithful in the christian church, and i am thankful for being given a heart that longs to reach out to others.

thirtyone years

2006-05-31T13:18:00.000-04:00

Friday, March 10, 2006

thirtyone years... i have been alive for thirtyone years. some might call me granny (kristine), some might think i am still a bit young, and some might not give much thought to it. i was not one who freaked out when i turned thirty last year, nor did i freak out turning thirtyone this year. there are so many wonderful things i have done in my life and so many more wonderful things to do.

wednesday was my birthday. two of my old friends (kerri - since she was born a year after me and amy - since junior high) and i got together to have lunch. both amy and i were celebrating our birthdays this week. the three of us have been through so much together over the years and have been more in touch and less in touch depending on our phases in life...but we always come together...we're like family. both kerri and amy have children...watching their children grow is amazing...so sweet. when amy and i arrived at kerri's house, nolan, her two year old, was calling out "merryman!" little kids always struggle with my name....to my young neices i also was aunt merryman. nolan had a huge smile on his face. isabel, her four year old, was excited to see us too. she looks so much like kerri did when she was four....blond hair full of static, butt chin, and a huge smile.

i love that god has given me amazing people in my life! and even in this time of uncertainty, i can rejoice in the wonderful life i have been given.

music and memories

2006-05-31T13:17:00.000-04:00

Tuesday, February 28, 2006

tunes are floatin' around in my head. some songs take me right back to a memory...instantly, i'm there. like right now i am listening to a bit of travis, which takes me back to northern ireland...riding in the car with neil, kristine, andrew and emily. a day driving around the north coast, stuck behind pooping cows, and lying down on a bit of soft grass just on the other side of the carrick-a-rede rope bridge, looking up into the bright blue beautiful sky.
...u2's joshua tree album takes me back to high school days...late at night riding in a school bus back from a band competition...watching the lights flash by the window, while contemplating my teenage life.
...smash mouth's walkin' on the sun drifts me back to my first day devoted to the california beach with friends...bryan mcmullen, with newly bleached blonde hair, hanging out of my car window screamin' down the freeway "sunny, southern california...beautiful l.a....i love southern california!"
...b52's rock lobster throws me right into a circle of my crazy, freak high school band friends at high school dances as all the 'normal' kids watch us do our thing
...gretchen wilson's redneck woman tosses me back in frankfort, kentucky on the church bus with that crazy crowd of wonderful teenagers.
...any kind of european techno music pounds me right back to my days in the greenhut (when musical diversity did not exist) with all the young people full of life
...oasis' champagne supernova floats me back into my nova during college years, driving down the road with rachel zirkle
...third eye blind's semi-charmed life slides me into the back seat of andy kilman's car, while andy and bryan are in the front seat making fun of the song and then over come by the heat, bryan hangs his head (covered in an enormous straw hat) out the window, and as we drive slowly down the street he reaches out to people on the sidewalk desperately crying out, "ice cream....ice cream...i need ice cream!"
...beastie boys' earlier albums take me right back into st. luke's gym, the night i first met john and eric, the two of them thinking they were so cool playing basketball and listening to the boys. intergalactic drops me into the parking lot of saddleback church...glen obsessing about kroq's early play of the song and trying to record it, while dawn and i were changing from church clothes to beach clothes in the backseat.
...keane's everybody's changing or somewhere only we know puts me on the road with kelly, headed to a keane concert in cleveland....the one where i almost kicked some scottich butt...oops
...steve miller band's jungle love swings me to my parents' garage during high school. me and my girls creating our own music video to rival the boys. and the joker takes me to the corner of hollywood and vine. sitting in my car at a stoplight with kristy, both of us waving madly to jerry o'connell in his 70's convertible heap waiting right beside us
...soft cell's tainted love or abba's waterloo grooves me back to a crazy l.a. night of karaoke with patti and jonathon
...there are so many more songs and so many more memories...i love the way music can transport, elevate, sometimes sink, awaken, and speak to my soul

to do

2006-05-31T13:16:00.000-04:00

Thursday, February 23, 2006

some might call it a to do list, others might call it a list of dreams. there are so many things i would love to do in life. i just thought i would share a few...

learn how to surf
write a feature length script
read even more books (even after reading burnout due to grad school)
learn how to play the drums/percussion
help to build/repair more houses
play music again
compete in an amateur triathlon
make a difference in the lives of young people
never stop swimming....even when i am old and grey
travel all over the world...especially to vietnam, spain, kenya, tanzania,
germany, china, new zeland, and brazil
shoot a couple of documentaries
visit with all my extended family
drive a vw thing...especially along a beach somewhere
learn how to snowboard
do more with my still photography
continue creating handmade things
take a road trip (and one plane trip...hawaii) to every state in america
marry the love of my life (don't know him yet...)
make a couple of amazing teen films both in content and quality (john hughes)
go on a kayaking trip
grow in my faith and learn more of God's word
continue to visit northern ireland (monkstown!) throughout my life
ride in a hot air balloon
see a broadway show
live next to water
learn another language...besides my poor attempt at spanish and my
knowledge of northern irish slang
go white water rafting again
spend time with my family without drama
continue going to drive-in movies....(thanks to tommy for helping me discover
my love and carrie, jake, and johanna for feeding it)
go on a pilgrimage to the taize community in france
experience the end of war, hunger, torture, and suffering in the world....

just a few dreams i dream...not sure wich ones will actually come true, but i am never going to stop dreaming...what are your dreams?

turkey talk

2006-05-31T13:14:00.000-04:00

Friday, February 17, 2006

so i am headed up to the frozen tundra today (otherwise known as fort wayne, indiana). my mom and i are going to help out with my brother-in-law's turkey banquet this weekend. yes, that's right....a turkey banquet. so me, the anti-gun girl will be in a room filled with gun enthusiasts. acutally, i do not oppose hunting and understand the need for guns in that context. (i do oppose the vice president shooting his hunting partner). maybe i will learn how to do a turkey call...oh, the excitement!

the olympics

2006-05-31T13:12:00.000-04:00

Saturday, February 11, 2006

so, the olympics....i admit, i love the olympics. ever since i was a little girl watching them on tv. i wanted to be a part of them in some way....a swimmer, stretching my arm to make the touch or a ski jumper, flipping through the air or a figure skater spinning round and round. then in college my dream came true...well, sort of....i was a part of an eng camera crew for the atlanta olympic broadcast. talk about the chance of a life time. it was amazing. now it is ten years later and i would love to work at another olympics. but i am happy enough to just watch and dream like a little girl.

life

2006-05-31T13:11:00.000-04:00

Thursday, February 09, 2006

i am thankful to be alive... i am thankful to have breath.... thankful for amazing experiences and amazing people in my life...

this week my friends dad died...so sad...this was a man full of life, humor and the love of God. i am thankful to have known him for a short time. and i am blessed that he made me feel so welcome in a foreign land.

so in the midst of the craziness that i call life....i breath in and think of the good things in life....snow flakes falling from the sky, riding my bike along the beach with the wind whipping through my hair, the smiles of my neices, water flowing, friends who make me laugh till my stomach hurts (custard fights), exploring a new place, being the only person in a movie theatre, capturing a moment on film, listening to a storm roll through, talking with my creator...

thoreau

2006-05-31T13:09:00.000-04:00

Wednesday, February 08, 2006

If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer. Let him step to the music which he hears, however measured or far away.

Henry David Thoreau

my first

2006-05-31T12:59:00.000-04:00

so i have decided to join my friends in the world of serious bloggers. well, i am not sure how serious i am, but i do enjoy expressing myself. i leave up to others whether they would like to read it or not. for all of my non-myspace friends, i thought i would post what i have written there first and then write new.